<p>I have been seriously dating a wonderful young man for over a year and a half. We have discussed marriage and are dating with that goal in mind. I recently lived with his parents for three months and had a really difficult time: Despite many good qualities, his mother is very controlling, micromanaging, paranoid and particular about everything (e.g., never leave the garage door open for more than 10 seconds, wash your hands, every little thing being done exactly how she wants it done, "did you make sure to close the garage door?" etc.). </p>
<p>I know it is "her house, her rules," and I cannot fault her for that. I also know she was not treating me differently than she treats her own children. My boyfriend has said that despite feeling like she doesn't like me, his mother has told him that she does like me. I (and all of her children) am more than capable of getting along without being smothered with her micromanaging. I have never had anyone treat me like that before and it mean, "I like you, approve of you, and trust you to be capable." </p>
<p>I cannot see myself being friends with her and would not want to be friends if she were my peer. That bothers me a lot, because growing up, my mother was her mother-in-law's best friend, and I assumed every mother-in-law relationship was like that. However, his mother really stresses me out and makes me feel never good enough. You cannot choose your family, but you do have a choice about who your in-laws are. Is it OK not to want to be friends with one's future in-laws or to want to spend a lot of time with them? Will she ever learn to let go and not be so controlling? Please help! </p>
Tags: mother in law, boyfriend, family, control, smother, relationship, friend, mom
