Tip - How to Shake Hands with a Woman

This modern world, it is confusing. Women dressing up as men, striding around office buildings willy-nilly, their brazen crotchal forks shrouded only in a thin layer of cotton-poly blend? (Personally, I find it comforting to think of female pants as "dual leg-cages"—much more modest.) But what's next—dogs on their hind legs wearing pith helmets and taking all the best gentleman explorer jobs!? Must we rename the South Pole "Admiral Crackers's Milkbone Oasis?" True, Admiral Crackers is an intrepid fellow (also he has very soft ears), but these days it's like you can't even hide in a bathroom stall and whisper through the partition to urinating women that they have "tempting ankles" anymore without getting hauled off to a reeducation gulag/webinar by the brain police! Honestly. Honestly.
Tags: etiquette, obvious, gentleman scholar, Jezebel