Things You Must Never Tell Your Wife About

Even if you are thinking of buying a sports car, don't tell your wife until you have actually bought it. Even then, get ready for an earful. Hopefully your new car's engine can drown out her voice!

Even if you really really mean it, just don't praise your secretary in front of your wife. You might be saying she is very dedicated but your wife is definitely not going to be thinking on the same lines as you.

It's a complete no-no telling your wife another woman looks hot, cute, gorgeous or her figure is good - you will never get a good response even if she doesn't say anything she has certainly spoken to herself and taken down notes in her head... beware.

As much as you love your mother, she is your wife’s mother-in-law, and therefore perpetually wrong.

“Do you want to join a gym with me?”

You might as well say, “Wow, you’re getting fat lately. Let’s go work off some of that ice cream you ate last night!” Also, you should probably start running immediately, because you will be surprised at how fast an angry slightly-out-of-shape wife can chase you down.

“Hey, honey – watch this!”

This expression is followed by you doing something that is likely to cause you severe bodily harm. No matter how good your health and life insurance are, your dear bride is not likely to be amused.

Dan Florence